Top 10 Short Irish Jokes Guaranteed To Make You Laugh

Feeling sad and gloomy and bit under the weather? Then you definitely need something to make you laugh. Check out these short Irish jokes that will surely send you and your mates roaring with laughter. From pub gags to funeral jokes, nothing is too taboo or too delicate for the Irish to make fun of.

Check Out These Irish Jokes

1. Ms Murphy

A woman sobbing -short irish jokes

A sobbing Ms Murphy approaches Fr O’Grady after mass.

He says: “So what’s bothering you?”

She replies: “Oh, Father, I’ve terrible news. My husband passed away last night.”

The priest says: “Oh, Mary, that’s terrible. Did he have any last requests?”

“Certainly father,” she replied. “He said: “Please Mary, put down that damn gun.”

2. Drunk priest

drunk-priest-short-irish-jokes

An Irish priest is driving along a country road when a police man pulls him over. He immediately smells alcohol on the priest’s breath and notices an empty wine bottle in the car.

He says: “Have you been drinking?”

“Just water,” says the priest.

The cop replies: “Then why do I smell wine?”

The priest looks at the bottle and says: “Good Lord! He’s done it again!”

3. Forgetful doctor

Forgetful doctor-short-irish-jokes

Dr O’Mahony tells his patient: “I have bad news and worse news, John.”

“Oh dear,” John replies. “What’s the bad news?” asks the patient.

The doctor replies: “You only have 24 hours to live.”

“That’s terrible,” says the patient. “How can the news possibly be worse?”

Dr O’Mahony replies: “I’ve been trying to contact you since yesterday.”

4. Irishman on couch

Irishman on couch - short irish jokes

What do you call an Irishman sitting on a couch? “Paddy O’Furniture”

5. Car park

Car park - short irish jokes

An Irishman is struggling to find a parking space.

“Lord,” he prayed. “I can’t stand this. If you open a space up for me, I swear I’ll give up the Guinness and go to mass every Sunday.”

Suddenly, the clouds part and the sun shines on an empty parking spot. Without hesitation, the Irishman says: “Never mind, I found one!”

6. Tequila shots

Tequila shots -short-irish-jokes

Paudie goes into a bar and orders seven shots of tequila and one Guinness.

The barman lines up shots and goes to get the Guinness.

When he comes back with the pint, all seven shots are gone.

The barman says: “Wow! You sure drank those fast.”

Paudie explains: “You would drink fast too if you had what I have.”

The barman asks: “What do you have?”

The guy reaches into his pocket and says: “Fifty cents!”

7. Doughnuts

Doughnuts -short-irish-jokes

Paddy and Mick are walking down the road and Paddy has a bag of doughnuts in his hand.

Paddy says to Mick: “If you can guess how many doughnuts are in my bag, you can have them both.”

8. Obituary

Obituary-short-irish-jokes

Seamus opens the newspaper and is shocked to see his OWN obituary.

In a panic, he phones his friend and asks: “Did you see the paper?! “They say I died!”

The friend replies: “Yes, I saw it! So, where ya calling from?”

9. Whiskey

Whiskey-short-irish-jokes

An Irishman goes into a bar in America and orders three whiskeys. The barman asks: “Would it be better for if I put all three shots in one glass?”

The Irishman replies: “No! I have two other brothers back at home, so every time I come into a pub, I order a shot for them both.”

The following week, the Irishman orders just two whiskeys.

The barman asks: “Did something happen one of your brothers?” “Oh no,” replies the Irishman. “I just decided to quit drinking!”

10. City workers

City workers-short-irish-jokes

Two Irishmen were working in the public works department. One would dig a hole and the other would follow behind him and fill the hole in.

After a while, one amazed onlooker said: “Why do you dig a hole, only to have your partner follow behind and fill it up again?”

The hole digger wiped his brow and sighed, “Well, I suppose it probably looks odd because we’re normally a three-person team. But today the lad who plants the trees called in sick.”

Top-Irish-Jokes-PIN-short Irish jokes

 

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Irisharound

There is so many Irish around the world, this website was created to help connect and spread the Irish connections. We are so far apart but so connected at the same time. Enjoy

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